Finding Yourself Back – Day 24

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I had to stop myself  a lot today ,say “hey mind its fine! there are few more obstacles on the way but why give up or faint!! why be such a weak heart!! haven’t you learned anything in the process?”
I told my heart ” stop comparing yourself with a past version which existed in a different situation all together and just accept the reality”.
And ” hey you know reality, we cannot go back , that option do not exist and it will be a self invited torture for self “.
I said “hey face” instead of giving me an expression of self doubt and worry ,give me a smile and smile for you should be grateful like you were when you were in the bus today while commuting to office.You were thinking God gave you a chance to celebrate 28 years of existence while many have lost it – some lost willingly while for  some ,well they were not given an option and even if it was not their wish, life was brutally taken away from them.
So hey instead of having ten thousand reasons to doubt and worry ,just smile to be able to feel this wind on your face.
Some people says 80% winning is psychological so you are already there, just work 20% harder. Don’t give up to the illusion of the situation and feel blessed and  get up again ,wear that armor and sword and fight your battle till your last breathe until you win.
Grateful for I was able to focus on my goals today.
THANKFUL FOR DAY 24
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Finding Yourself Back – Day 23

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There is quivering and fainting of heart in moments of disbelief

There is a sweat of satisfaction when hard work meets it target for the day

There are noises all around good or bad ones which sometimes effect me

There are days when I eat the most delicious handcook food

And days when I eat most unhealthy food just to save time

In pursuit of my goals I go through the phase of endless emotions

In pursuit of my goals I am also the captain of my ship

I see night sky and sigh at the moon, at the stars and feel warm

I sometimes take a walk in the night to observe people when I feel suffocated

When I feel too much and forget to be grateful

I find people on the streets ,some trying to make living

Some trying to just do everything to get through the day

I feel grateful again for hey how can I not be

Some days I lose and think of running to non existential past

Some days I decide to progress and learn from every mistake I made

 

I learn and grow everyday in the process

I learn and grow everyday in my journey on this earth

Feel grateful for my ship of life is making steady progress into the future.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 23

 

 

 

Finding Yourself Back – Day 22

 

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When you start in your first class probably when you are 4 or 5 you come to know about being graded and being tagged in this competitive world relatively, you progress every year ,you conquer you take a deep dive in the world of imagination with every book you read, books, that carries an incredible essence when you sniff through its pages at the very first moment when you buy them.You make sure you cover your notebooks and books with those brown cover and put the most colorful sticker carrying your name and sometimes at the end of yearly session you keep your favorite book safe with you.

You come out of school and go to college and meet new culture, new people.Some principles shaped you throughout your school life , you carry them with you and get amazed how different and varied version of you become after college.You enter the professional life with certain dreams and that overwhelming passion and smile on your faces but then you get consumed in the daily challenges or sometimes monotonous phase of life,sometimes start to feel bored, you try challenging yourself, try discovering yourself once again , take those trips which you remember till the end of your life as they leave everlasting mark on your life, you start to doubt again ,you start to feel suffocated sometimes too and sometimes certain things you imagined ,life reality breaks that mirror world of yours , you wake up thinking how do I still hold it in my hand, you at times evaluate and take a deep breathe and say “Hey life! , let me be the driver now!” ,lets ME NOW DECIDE not my circumstances and then you slowly and slowly consistently become the best version of you.

Feel grateful for I decided to become driver of my life.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 22.

Finding Yourself Back – Day 21

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I learnt once that we as a human have a tendency to tilt towards a negative feeling more than the positive.We are smart enough to make a room for doubt when there is absolutely no need at all.We invite what if’s and then make everyday effort to deal with those what if’s to justify what we we are doing is right or we just block the what if’s all together as we know they never make it to arena.Sometimes feeling blessed and grateful is a choice ,in the times when nothing seems to be working in your favor and still be grateful and be kind,I think it has ripple effect and and we all know god gives us more chances , more moments to feel grateful.

Sometimes I start my day with a bundle of tangled nerves with varied thoughts wanting to unravel in all direction.Its a everyday process where I have to work on moving my inner compass to positivity and more so have to grow my resilience muscle stronger.As I progress now with my eyes open ,my mind awake and present in the moment, many times there will be moment where my mind will be having conflicting thoughts where examples I will witness will make my inner compass go vulnerable.Sometimes my wisdom over the years will help and sometimes I will just act in the moment even though I will regret it later.

I think I cannot predict anything but can feel grateful for things,people and everything present in my life, and progress everyday. Some days I will be amazed by the beauty of life and some days I will be shocked.I feel grateful for today ,that started with so many conflicting and sometimes negative thoughts,I was able to find peace.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 21

Finding Yourself Back – Day 20

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My first experience of snow happened when I turned 25.I went to a hill station in the north . Apparently it was also my first solo outing.I still remember how scared I was when I did that but cannot forget the confidence that floated over my face afterwards.I booked a hotel where people were very kind from driver to everyone I met.The valley I visited was no doubt a heaven.And the second day of my trip when I woke up , the view from my window was of the mountains covered in snow.It snowed in the night I came to know later.It was pleasing to eyes and so much refreshing.Thinking about it always bring smile on my face.
I went to one of the spot where via trolley we reached the peak of the mountains within a minute or two and as I reached there it started snowing again.
And that was my first time I experienced snow falling over me.It was cold to the level that as soon as it started to snow people were rushing back to the mountain base.I remember my hands freezing but me in no rush but just wanted to be in that moment.
If that girl in that moment who was happy beyond words had known that in coming years she will go through dramatic life changing phases ,she wouldn’t have believed.
Now as I look back I feel grateful for I was able to experience so much beauty that exists on this earth.I have a responsibility now to live this life again like the daredevil I was before.
THANKFUL FOR DAY 20

Finding Yourself Back – Day 19

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Its almost the next day now,today I woke up with a mild headache in the morning,and my eyes were hurting from not sleeping much last night.As the morning grew on me so did my sickness because of a lot of things.

I did not feel good for the longest time ,I wanted to do the pity party again,wanted to take a U turn but when enough is enough then there is no turning point.Today was the test of true patience and persistence for me.In those moment ,feeling sick in my stomach, I already wanted to exaggerate my situation rather than finding a solution.Perhaps then it clicked me that I need is  to find solution to my problems not exaggerate them.

Perhaps then I talked to myself about it and said- “Hey , what can be the solution in this scenario, what can I do to not feel same or feel better”.

I told myself again and again – “This is the process and I cannot give up now”.I told myself lets be patient and utilize time wisely in the best possible way.I started again and rather than focusing on the negative ,I started slowly and slowly focusing on the positive.

I thought I would not be able to accomplish anything today,but sometimes going slow does not means you are not moving, sometimes turtle also wins the race and this was no race but it was just a slow move into the future and I am grateful I made it happen today and did accomplish few tasks.

Grateful for many situations turned out positive today and helped me to move in the right direction.Reminds me of the quote

“God help those who help themselves”

THANKFUL FOR DAY 19

 

Finding Yourself Back – Day 18

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“A lily in May, is far better than growing like an old oak tree”.When I was a kid,I read this poem at school and it somehow found a space in my memory /my heart and still does even now.

May is also the season when Lily flowers blossom,on my way to school, riding on my bike,I would try to find Lilly in people`s lavish outdoor garden and it was one of the house where I actually found them.

That was one the most wonderful feeling when I was able to see a row of Lily flowers blooming in May and they did lasted less than a week but yes left an impression for the whole year.

It wasn’t just a reference in the poem – to not get comfortable in the current situation and grow like an old oak tree but also not to live or invite similar kind of emotions/situations to let yourself be tortured by others which I felt for a longest time. It took years to get out of that phase and to know the importance of being like a lily rather than an be an old oak tree.

I think we all know somewhere in our heart what is good for us and sometimes when situation seems favorable or becomes way over bearable level we decide to become lily again.

We come out of the shell of hard cover, we grow and we live in the moment and instead of being neutral like having a shield ,we react to hot and cold weather ,just be beautiful in the right amount of time in the right moment.It the time when you are reborn leaving behind the pain of yesterday and trusting yourself to the very end and recreate yourself and your future in the way you want.You truly become Lily.

Feel grateful I broke my shell finally and hope May will keep inspiring the Lily in me.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 18