To the self – To change


Time and again I get this feeling how do people remain persistent in what they pursue because for me I have a everyday fight with myself to remain consistent and persistent.
Something happened this weekend and it made me think of me as a person I am .
Living in new city with new roommate is a blessing.After a long time I have felt this freedom to pursue things I really want to pursue in life and perhaps the only reason I moved out of the house was to become the version of me which will be patient and will be able to be fully responsible for me.
My younger brother had to write to me ,after the incident happened ,that I need to grow up and stop thinking I can control how people will behave.He told me to grow up and make good choices and instead of controlling situation try to deal with them in a way that is good for me and society.
Moments before he wrote, my memories of time when I was still in school and was preparing for Medical exam which I failed crept into my mind.
I remembered,  how control freak I had become then ,maybe I had lost control of my senses and had lost the faith that I can pass the exam and got entangled in things I shouldn’t have gotten into.I used to get disturbed by the mere noise of the tv in three rooms away from me.
I tried controlling everyone and as usual everyone started hating me.
Today I can understand why everyone was not so close and nice to me afterwards and I was alone in time when I felt like a big failure for the first time in my life.
So after realizing that I am just repeating the cycle and will be controlling my nice and amiable roommate I will be wrong , I did make this mistake minutes ago and minutes after realizing what I was doing I apolozised immediately.
I decided I will never ever again try to tell people something they should be doing.
But this does not end here I have to take a step to deal with such situation on how my innerself should react and handle such situation ,perhaps I will try remember my younger brother words who is more mature than me or perhaps this time instead of getting soaked in excuses I will focus on things I have to do to achieve my goal for which I left Delhi in first place .
I understood that day ,impatience within me and trying to control others will only make me feel guilty and not peaceful in long run.People are reluctant to bond with such people and maybe I mistaken it for telling upfront honestly something I would like to be done differently but that is not how things work.
Just like my brother said everyone is facing something or the others but they dont try to make such a big deal out of it or take it as an excuse and not focus on oneself and grow.


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