Random Impresssions

 

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When winter surrenders it weapons to the rising heat,we know a new era is about to come , we know time is about to change, and to reflect it just, nature starts putting on multicolored  obscene  dresses.It wears exotic red roses of spring to bright green colored newly arriving leaves.

And then days goes by and summer starts, and this time summer came quite early and it baffled us with the strength and power it arrived with,and yes it arrived as early as in March this year.

Its May and its unusual for temperature to be as high as 50 degrees.Children have already gotten preoccupied with cold juices ,ice creams and yogurt on their menu.Machines to make rooms cooler have gotten busy too.

And when I walk out to reach the subway to go to office ,I can feel the sweat all over my attire as early as 8 in the morning.

There`s a dripping sweat off my forehead when I reach the subway ,still waiting for train to arrive.

And when I reach my destination stop and sit along side four others, in the rickety rickshaw to reach office , it becomes harder to breathe, the hot lashes of wind across my forehead give me a sure headache and stop me from reaching my full potential at work.

But as I sit in that rickety rickshaw and as we go by, I observe so many stalls on the roadside , one for to drink cold water , other young chap squeezing last drop of juice out of sugarcane for his customer, some preparing delicious quick morning breakfast recipe and I see a cobbler sitting on side walk facing the busiest traffic and noise with all his tools to mend shoes,I see people sweating but still standing in the way of fervor heat majesty refuting to give up .They stand and sit under the sun every morning just to make a living.And as I sit in that rickety rickshaw I know we are there to help them make a living by loathing the scorching heat completely on our knees given up to the heat majesty.

By the evening as I come out of the office  and off the subway reach near my place, I walk my way back home.I feel a relief,I see evening joggers I see old couple taking stroll,I hear bird chirp as the dawn fades away. I watch trees , trees top my favorite thing in the world and by the time night arrives I make it to home.

Sometimes during the summer it becomes difficult to sleep at night but I let my door open for the wind to pass to cool my room ,sometimes I take stroll past midnight in my balcony ,sometimes I read ,and sometimes I wonder about summer and about life.

 

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Birdman

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As I looked outside the window I can see two parrots so delicately maintaining the balance sitting on a tiny branch at one end of a big Mango tree in my Backyard.I can see one feeding on still unripe mangoes and as I see through the window I can feel the summer heat on my skin ,I can feel the thirst in my breathe and I am just keenly observing the parrots ,the birds of green color reminding something about green birds someone once used to say to me and then I shifted my thoughts to “Birdman” which I finally watched and wanted to just understand what just happened in there,why the drumbeats are still so alive in my ear even if the movie has ended .As I walk back to my room I sighed I will be back in real world in a moment now those moment of ecstasy of being living in a movie are towards its end.And I still just want to ponder a bit more ,think a bit more think of the carcass like feeling the actor felt passing by at the sea beach being fed on by the birds trying to be somebody but couldn’t overcome being overshadowed by the theatricality of the new era movies and time and again proving in other acts or work just did not seem to be of any significance ,people always remember for the one he did not feel real , no one wants real every one wants to be in the world that is created by the handful of imaginative and that is attractive and is remembered and when it comes to talking about real thing in life and preacher of the same is forgotten.The actor seems to find no point in the end in anything and the “Birdman” never leaves because time and again he is only remembered for that .Loosing everything to try to do something real and meaning , loosing time that could have been spent with family to become something meaningful in life all of a sudden doesn’t seems to matter and after several thoughts he finally disappear into the void .Sun is about to set , will be a relief from the scorching heat and I see the light slowly fade away from my window and I rush to the front door of my room as this is the best time to see the “Golden shower tree” in the front yard ,it’s the most beautiful summer tree I can imagine with beautiful yellow flowers and the little kid playing with his cricket ball just hit the tree bark back and forth to make flower shower over him is purely serene.I took a deep breathe and another day ends and as night is changing the color of the sky, I see birds rushing back home, I wish to be one too.

To the girls of the Metro..

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If you are depressed or lost your way or even have settled or accepted everything as is and think there is nothing that can bring that living like feeling and yeah cannot afford those costly sessions with a therapist , try taking metro(subway) for a while consistently  and you maybe surprised with the changes.

January this year I had only one way to commute to office and that was metro,at that time I was a complete wreck emotionally and got so much lost that I had broke all connection to friends in one way or another,I wasn’t selfish to do that well maybe a little because they all were happy in their life and I was in a place nowhere near happiness and I couldn’t find strength anymore congratulating every single friend of mine on their wedding and their all happily ever after, I did that for a while but then I couldn`t anymore..anyways not distracting from the topic.

So..ok ,it was clear ,I was just all by myself as I had no wish anymore for anything, all I wanted to do was still be independent and that exactly I became again by taking this job which has no scope for growth but it does pay a minimum for me to survive.

I started taking metro and at first I just saw a crowd which was new for me as I hardly  used to go out .I would carry a book to read so to avoid looking at other faces.Slowly and slowing everyday even though just standing there by myself I begin to feel the energy of the girls around me. That energy reminded me I am not alone.I begin to observe girls around me, I had forgotten to laugh wildly with friends and there I would see sometimes bunch of girls walk in and they would be just laughing so carelessly and having a funny wild conversation reminded me of the time when I would laugh like that with my friends.No doubt it was a pain at the beginning as I could feel alone now but then I tried just to be there and feel happy looking at them ,sometimes just listen to them.

There were times when it would be very crowded and I observed the girls will always keep an eye on the spot from where they could find seat to sit easily,I was so much demotivated that I would easily loose the spot or even seat in the beginning but then I wanted to sit as well I was too tired ,and its not the pain I wanted anymore and if I could avoid by just being confident to fight for my spot ,I might give it a try as well,I thought.

My senses which were in deep sleep for a while became active and I began to be one of them who would keep an eye for a spot ,and even though I don`t succeed in all my tries every day but I do someday and I get that seat and it does feel a bit good sometimes.

They woke up the desire in me to want things again in a way.

They would push me in the crowded train sometimes or sometimes their bags on the floor will make it impossible for me to stand and before ,I just settled and be uncomfortable , but then from some of the girls that walked in and their simple request to others to move things around to make space taught me to raise my voice as well.And I would not settle anymore,I will raise my voice,I learnt from them , and I began too, and there were times when their voices will be stronger ,times when it wont be but then there were times when mine was heard and it slowly and slowly I learnt to raise my voice as well.

They made me feel hungry again by eating some food that would smell so delicious and take care of myself by being as I would see so strong and active women even if they were older then me(honestly I felt more exhausted then them most of the time).

Since its office hours and most will normally board the same metro ,so some faces I begin to remember and then they began to remember mine too although we wont still have a single word of conversation ,it just felt not so lonely anymore.Sometimes I did make conversation when it be too interesting just not easy to avoid.

I would hear some gossip about something amazing,some life lesson I might face someday,sometimes word fight ,so many things,so many songs on earphone which were louder and made me feel the beat and made me want to dance , so many way to be elegant , to be wild ,so many cell phones junkie too lost in their conversation, their smiles at certain things taught to react again.Their unexpected courtesy sometimes made me believe that good people are not totally extinct.

If I compare me with my five months back  version,all I can say ,I may not be totally back to the version of me which is a normal me, but I am on a right track and everyday there is something to learn from them and remember things ,good things.No doubt sometimes I see somethings that reminds me of the bitter past and I feel low but then there are days when I feel just lucky to still have a mind which can think and a mind which is trying persistently to feel again and to be at a place where I be alive and not just breathing and getting by.

They undoubtedly help me a lot and thus,this is a heartfelt thank you to the girls of Metro who unknowingly helped and still helping me to be back on my feet again.