It all started Sunday morning when I was woken by my Mom early in the morning to meet my Uncle who came to pay a visit , it was a beautiful morning as after a long time weather was cooling down and the big fig tree in the front of the house had new leaves which magically grew so fast in a short span of a week.
And as the discussion started to shape after the normal greeting, I soon realized its again one of those talks where my Mum and Dad after being all worried that I am still single have asked my Uncle to talk me through.
So the voice with all the wisdom accumulated over the years started echoing in my ears, started first with a normal conversation shaping into a fierce one.
I was been told a story , story which is real to this day ,story of my distant relative, a girl now a 48 year old women, my Uncle started :
“In her time ,she was double M.A degree holder,a rare thing to witness in my country at that time, she had dreams and dreams to marry a person with certain standards she thought, she will marry someday ,she was 26-27 at that time and time went on and there was none of her standards she had set and suddenly she was 32 and that she realized of her age, and then wanted to settle for anyone but then nobody wanted her as she was now old and because everyone wants a young girl and so she never got married.
Her parents died in pain as they could not marry their daughter and the girl became mentally retarded and depressed and now spend her days at 48 years old teaching little kids at a bare minimum pension.”
To me listening to that story made my heartache and think –
In India sometimes A GIRL BREATHE THREE LIVES ,LIFE OF HERS AND HER PARENTS.
The girl who was double M.A. student must be breathing in so heavy I cant even imagine.Her pain is multi-fold and I know its not due to not being married but because she must believe to this date ,her parents died unhappy due to her decisions in life.
I am 27 year old today and I see life with so many possibilities and my parents see it only one way and that is the society way, because they are so much deep immersed into those principle since their childhood ,its hard to believe even if things can happen otherwise in a better way too.Parents can never stop worrying and cannot see a life beyond obvious and thus get in the vicious circle of worrying if their daughter is not settled at right age.
And in case of me , this is the stage where fear has crept into their world ,as I am still single .
I heard a news few days back of a girl suicide in front of Metro because of some issues related to her wedding and I completely believe she must have taken that step to free her parents off their duty.
Many girls settle each year because of the same fear as my Uncle described in my society.
For me ,the picture is wide and the choices I believe is vast , but the confidence is no doubt deteriorating as I see the health of my Parents becoming tattered because of their worries.
There is so much pressure on parents to marry off the girl ,people cant believe a girl can be happy solo travelling and if she is travelling solo , they knew , they would think she has gone out of control and is a portrait of an indecent girl now,maybe that is the reason I never tell my parents when I take those solo trips to free my mind.
I feel lucky to be on those trips because things those were not possible once becomes possible, things I had never seen in life become real in front of my eyes.
I love watching tree tops and I have been observing and taking pictures of tree tops for a while, it gives me so much happiness to see the color change of the leaves and to see the season, to draw and paint and to create something new.
I feel so peaceful sometimes ,and working in the office and helping clients,volunteering to hep disable children or help an entrepreneur solving the problem for the poor, listening to songs, watching those movies as living in those moments, and cooking the food and try every best to make it the warmest with love and full of taste for my family makes me think my life as peaceful.
But the view my Parents see is only one, the societal one ,the one where I am 27 year old and still not married and they get worried everyday,I try changing their view but they cant see or seems to listen, makes me feel weak at times ,makes me think of suicidal route sometimes and think that is a better option to prevent two dying than one me.
But then , I become selfish and see life as a journey and this is mine and that I have a lot to experience ,maybe not those things they dream for me but that I will create things around me and I know because ever since childhood I have been alone the most and I know to take care of me and be fully responsible for me,if a guy is not wishing to marry me is the reason my Parents choose to destroy their health,well ,I have given up now, so when the discussion between me and my uncle became fierce and I felt sad that this girl is still carrying her parents with her made me feel so deeply sad and I know whatever I do ,one day this will happen to my parents too,not sure I be strong enough for that day ,but I wish there was a picture of society not so stringent not so rigid, where has the open mindedness gone.
I dont know how to end this article, but I wish I could change things for better because I never thought that a girl child who was given education at first place to become independent when become of age and if could not find a husband becomes a reason of depression for three life,why is she not empowered to live and the societal outlook even after being educated is still so backward.