To an unknown route from daily life

 

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Lately I haven`t been able to travel to different places as I once could so I made up my mind I will make sure I explore the unknown of the city , thus began taking the new route to home.

I decided ,during those hours of the day when several people rush to reach home after office, I will go to places I have never been and in a short span of an hour ,I would travel to these new places and since the city is connected via metro (subway) I can be on my route back anytime.

This is the least I can do for the traveler within me wanting to explore and travel.

Travelling to these places is still a thrilling experience as these places are so unique and were reflection of some history and stores in those places had unique stories,street food had unique taste and even though I had time constraint I am still able to make my heart beat fast taking those unknown routes and at times I get to talk to inspiring people like a girl with a unique store ,no where to be found easily in my city.

And when I rush back to metro and come out alive of those places makes me feel so insanely happy,its like a winning feeling over all those constraints that have made travel impossible for me lately and then I get back and stand among the crowd of people taking the same route to home from office everyday .

Revisiting College me for a weekend

COLLEGE

This is the story where I mistaken a certain weekend meetup for professional where the main focus group was the kids who were either in school or in college still wondering what all opportunities life hold for them.

So I signed up for the meetup and thought it would be another meetup for entrepreneurs,and as I reached the venue still couldn’t figure out things, until how it started.

There was a cool music been played and the organizer danced a bit to freshen up the mood and I was like ..”whoaa..isn`t it suppose to be one of those serious life changing talks” and then the meet and greet activity started in a peculiar way .

We were given a task to know as many people in the rooms by finding whether they had performed a certain list of activities in their life so far.

Their were activities on the list like :

-Have done Paragliding

-Camping

-Been to another country

-Play Piano

-Can speak 4 languages

-Trekking

and a lot more…

It was fun as everybody rushed into knowing as many people around them possible to complete the activity.

I enjoyed doing it a lot and by the end of the meet we were sharing a lot more ..”oh I know a person who possess pair of colorful socks..” and thus the process ended.

I never went to a weekend event before where we would know other people hobbies or remember some this way , it was a fun process overall.

Then when the first activity begin to happen early during the day , where every one was told to form group , I realized  ” oh my god, these are not professional but are either in school or college” and their was no way quitting during that part of the day, so I just breathe in and though now was feeling a bit embarrassed joined one of the group.

We were engaged in another team activity and were made to stand in face to face another person and say a few words complementing the other person and we did made up few good things to say to one another.

It was a weird thing but seeing the smile on the other girl face ,as I told her she had a great smile, made me happy.

Then we moved in the big conference room where the discussion started and I began to realize,maybe I am 27 year old but these kids and I are doing exactly the same thing , figuring out life and things we want to accomplish.

Yes the clear difference of the age existed but the air had a  different feeling in that room , as all the kids were actively participating in the conversation and I was listening to a girl still in school wanting to change world for real and their was a kid who has already created a project being now used and produced in masses by Pentagon to use for the military mission.

They were so young but so ahead in thinking what they want to accomplish and do in life,they showed up specially to be the part of the meet from different parts of the country.

I just loved their enthusiasm and as the speaker of the day , the organizer of the event started to speak ” Most of the people who are professional spend time drinking or partying over the weekend and here you guys will experience something that will forever change your life and trust me when you will after two days leave this meetup,you will have a different outlook for the world.”

I did not thoroughly understood him at that point of time,as I was already overwhelmed by the fact I might be the eldest to show up in the room and was just wishing nobody to figure it out and that I will leave at any chance possible.

Then the organizer and his Polish wife introduced us to some more warm up activities which were very funny to do and yes did make us more active.

We were being handed the essential book for being an entrepreneur though they clearly said they are not here to preach entrepreneurship but their motto was “Do What You Love” .

SIMPLE – FIND YOUR PASSION AND LOVE IT LIVE IT

They taught to be true and not afraid and told us to write to ourself what is the better version we wish we would be.

While those words came out of their mouth I can feel the effect on me, I was so afraid to be embarrassed that I lied to people around that I am a post grad student.

I was finally feeling ashamed of what I did but then I ride along as it did not hurt anybody.

They did had amazing inspiring speaker who shared their life experience and maybe because they were interacting with the college students so they were also so informal,genuine and down to earth and responded to every kind of queries everyone had.

And so we had session with a series of speakers, people were filling sugar cubes(envelopes to write about someone something they liked) already and there were photo session happening .

I am a kind of person who is reluctant till been pushed and then I have been in events where no body care if you have been a part of something or not but during this meetup I can constantly feel the difference as the volunteers for the event were constantly pushing me to be a part of the activities and if they see me ignoring any of those they will make sure I did participate.

And towards the end of the first day we formed a team of people who would come up with some ideas to make our city a sustainable habitat.

And I met some of the best kids in the team I was part of.As it was the part where we were given a chance to show our entrepreneurial spirit,I had no choice but to show up the next day, but it was not the only reason,I was so much inspired by the enthusiasm of these kids , I couldn`t help but had to show up the next day.

That night I was just thinking , what happens to us, when we were young in college /schools we wanted to do so many things and then we take up a job and its new and exciting and then we do everything to be best at what we do just to impress our manager or get grades or raise.We in the process forget us and become mere employee and I am not saying its not that we don`t love our work, not even if what we are doing is right or wrong because at the end of the day ,yes we do have a family to look after or be independent on our own feet.But we compromise somewhere to give time to us , to do different activities ,maybe people do that but I am talking about the majority who just becomes the mere employee of the company and loose their individuality and when waken are either forty something have lost their youth or yeah then turn to entrepreneurial path but we do regret giving so much time for a company ,jeopardizing our health and family time for to earn a mere living.We are filled with insecurities and so many thing at our age we forget once we were those college students just living in the moments while still figuring our self but full of enthusiasm and belief not shaken by a certain type of life we start to live afterwards and full of so many possibilities and everything seemed possible.

Next day we had even more inspirational speaker who taught us to focus on small things to make big changes in life.

And all the while we were brainstorming on the ideas me and my team to make the city a sustainable habitat we had so much fun thinking of the most stupid to the most serious type of idea.

I liked the discussion we got in with our mentors and within ourself,I liked the fact till the last moment we spent time designing the logo for the company and the comments we received on our idea.

I liked the fun we were making of the ideas of the people who came before us and that we didn’t mean anything just made some jokes not afraid to be made off as well.

It was coming to end and finally I did show up for the photo session with the funny prop they had in place and yeah I wrote in to every person I had chance to meet to fill their sugar cubes.

There was a surprise video at the end with we all in it as they captured our moments we spent there and I was there in that too, lately because I am not that fair people had been cropping me from their meetup pics , I remember going to one on “Women Empowerment-and yep in the photograph every one was visible where I was magically taken out”.

Anyways, here I had a moment for almost 5 sec alone on the clip and they shared pics where I was part too.I liked the fact they did not judge and we shared and laughed and honestly those two days at the meetup changed me and filled me with enthusiasm and made me come home and take my guitar and play.

I knew it wouldn’t last ,the enthusiasm, because of the phase of the life I was living at that point but that night I made sure I documented the day and what a wonderful thing it was to live those care free day even though it was just a weekend but yeah to revisit the college me was a wonderful experience and now make me think of today me and yep even though that day was over and yep there are so many people around me who try break my spirit everyday , I just like to revisit what I wrote and live bits of it.

Maybe as I read in one of the article, if we can think of positive things and have plan and have a willingness,kindness and desire to work for change , it will come you in the end,so yep revisiting those moments are positive and learning from those days doesn’t depend on any age and I know I will be back on my feet and relive even if this phase of life is dark, but it will end .

AT LAST I SEE THE LIGHT

 

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It was in the middle of cold January night last year around 12:30 am, a layer of terrifying genuine fear swept over me but maintaining outer calmness I inquired the manager at the Jalandhar bus stop, “But, how is this possible? I booked my ticket till Amritsar!”

I am a solo traveler and this is  my story of one of those trips that enriches you in so many ways that  you leave filled with gratitude, peace, an amazing life experience and not to forget hypnotized by  the scent of the green shaded patches of fields and unforgettable Punjabi tradition .

During the long weekend of the January third week, I finally decided to give wings to my wish to see Golden temple and after making haphazard itenary a day before, I was now on the road.

I started Saturday afternoon from Delhi around 1:00 pm, hoping to reach Amritsar by 11:00 pm in the night but it was already half past twelve and I was at the connecting stop Jalandhar where excluding me everybody who boarded on bus with me left.

The bus manager informed me that the bus normal route remains till Jalandhar and as for some guest who would travel to Amritsar they arrange a cab, the guest in this scenario was only me, and that the next cab will be available in an hour.

So there I was, at an unknown bus stop, in a city I have never been, among buses ,drivers and some passengers for other routes .I questioned me many times “Is it safe? “But in those moments instead of freaking out, something caught my attention.

Under the foggy dark sky blanket in the shivering cold, I saw something that was so beautiful, the bus drivers were having hot cup of tea and chit chatting as they finished their day routes and finally finding some window to spent time together, it was like winning a cup when a driver will make a safe journey to the stop and the fellow drivers will cheer him. They would greet each other’s, share anecdotes and no cold breeze has the power to break their laughter or the joy in their eyes.

After an hour of waiting, my cab finally arrived, a driver in his early 50`s very calm, conserved and spiritual, as he bowed before the God memento in front part of car, came and we took off. I can see from his body language, he was a bit surprised about me travelling alone. He told me,” It’s a less smoky than usual days otherwise it becomes very hard to drive during these hours, thus we may be able to reach Amritsar in an hour or two”. My heart was still racing very fast as we drive through the night. I could hardly see the fields both side of the road or any sign of life sometimes. By 3:00 am in the morning we made to the hotel, and I slept till afternoon next day like a baby.

When I woke up I saw a mustard and wheat fields from hotel window and could even hear the holy song, made me realize I was at the heart of Punjab.

I started late in the afternoon,  took a tour cab and hopped around “Jalia Wala Bagh” , the heart breaking story of a women written on the wall of the museum of losing her husband during the great massacre made my eyes wet” .

I watched small kids flying kites, the rickety shops nearby were so full of colors and life. Everywhere there was an aroma and essence of Punjab, the one you typically watch in movies.

I couldn’t resist trying the delicious street food and keep my eyes off the sparkle of the traditional Pulkari women were dressed in.

My next stop was “Wagah Border” where I saw the parade and Pakistan from a distance, the soldiers, the songs dedicated to India, makes you feel so much patriotic, and just before the “lowering of the flag ceremony”, they invited all girls present to dance, it was so much amazing to forget everything and be in that moment and cheer for your country.

As the ceremony ended, sun was setting and walking away from the border ,shine on the soldiers face, their smile reminded me these are the only fun moments they cherish most of the time in the line of duty and I couldn’t help saluting a few.

It was finally time for the Golden temple visit, my cab host for the day, has lived his entire life in Amritsar and provided me with a typical handkerchief to cover my head for the entry rules at the Golden Temple.

The temple is surrounded by walls and lake, so as I entered inside, my eyes wandered in all direction to see Golden temple and there it was ,as I always dreamt off, in the middle of lake shimmering under the night sky in the moon light ,and my inner voice said ”At last I see you!”.

I instantly felt so much peace which cannot be expressed in words, with pilgrims from all over the world, queuing to enter inside; I too chanted the sacred prayer.

And as I saw “Darbar Sahib” it was one of those divine moments where you can feel presence of god .I found myself a place at one of the corner of the veranda of Golden temple and sat there.

As I sat, I saw an old man on the other side of the temple, he was wearing the traditional turban which depicted he was Punjabi, suddenly he started to weep and joined his hands in the act of praying for forgiveness.

Watching him, where he already lived so many seasons of life filled with so much wisdom, it was there in that moment made me filled with gratitude. After spending sometime there, I saw something  happening at the back of the temple, there was a hot water outlet from which everyone was sipping few drops of water, the temple caretaker standing beside said, “It was meant to purify your spirit and was the “Amrit” of Amritsar”, and none the less it felt the same.

Finally making a few rounds around the temple, I was ready to end my journey, and going back again a fateful incident happened, there was no bus but again a cab to take me to Jalandhar at the bus stop and it caught me by surprise the same person who drove me the first night was there of the so many drivers possible, and he smiled and I smiled back. This time we shared a lot more, he inquired about me travelling alone and said most people come to Golden temple to find if it’s made of gold, but we both knew it’s the divine peace that makes the moment golden.

A GIRL BREATHES THREE LIVES IN INDIA

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It all started Sunday morning when I was woken by my Mom early in the morning to meet my Uncle who came to pay a visit , it was a beautiful morning as after a long time weather was cooling down and the big fig tree in the front of the house had new leaves which magically grew so fast in a short span of a week.

And as the discussion started to shape after the normal greeting, I soon realized its again one of those talks where my Mum and Dad after being all worried that I am still single have asked my Uncle to talk me through.

So the voice with all the wisdom accumulated over the years started echoing in my ears, started first with a normal conversation shaping into a fierce one.

I was been told a story , story which is real to this day ,story of my distant relative, a girl now a 48 year old women, my Uncle started :

“In her time ,she was double M.A degree holder,a rare thing to witness in my country at that time, she had dreams and dreams to marry a person with certain standards she thought, she will marry someday ,she was 26-27 at that time and time went on and there was none of her standards she had set and suddenly she was 32 and that she realized of her age, and then wanted to settle for anyone but then nobody wanted her as she was now old and because everyone wants a young girl and so she never got married.

Her parents died in pain as they could not marry their daughter and the girl became mentally retarded and depressed and now spend her days at 48 years old teaching little kids at a bare minimum pension.”

To me listening to that story made my heartache and think –

In India sometimes A GIRL BREATHE THREE LIVES ,LIFE OF HERS AND HER PARENTS.

The girl who was double M.A. student must be breathing in so heavy I cant even imagine.Her pain is multi-fold and I know its not due to not being married but because she must believe to this date ,her parents died unhappy due to her decisions in life.

I am 27 year old today and I see life with so many possibilities and my parents see it only one way and that is the society way, because they are so much deep immersed into those principle since their childhood ,its hard to believe even if things can happen otherwise in a better way too.Parents can never stop worrying and cannot see a life beyond obvious and thus get in the vicious circle of worrying if their daughter is not settled at right age.

And in case of me , this is the stage where fear has crept into their world ,as I am still single .

I heard a news few days back of a girl suicide in front of Metro because of some issues related to her wedding and I completely believe she must have taken that step to free her parents off their duty.

Many girls settle each year because of the same fear as my Uncle described in my society.

For me ,the picture is wide and the choices I believe is vast , but the confidence is no doubt deteriorating as I see the health of my Parents becoming tattered because of their worries.

There is so much pressure on parents to marry off the girl ,people cant believe a girl can be happy solo travelling and if she is travelling solo , they knew , they would think she has gone out of control and is a portrait of an indecent girl now,maybe that is the reason I never tell my parents when I take those solo trips to free my mind.

I feel lucky to be on those trips because things those were not possible once becomes possible, things I had never seen in life become real in front of my eyes.

I love watching tree tops and I have been observing and taking pictures of tree tops for a while, it gives me so much happiness to see the color change of the leaves and to see the season, to draw and paint and to create something new.

I feel so peaceful sometimes ,and working in the office and helping clients,volunteering to hep disable children or help an entrepreneur solving the problem for the poor, listening to songs, watching those movies as living in those moments, and cooking the food and try every best to make it the warmest with love and full of taste for my family makes me think my life as peaceful.

But the view my Parents see is only one, the societal one ,the one where I am 27 year old and still not married and they get worried everyday,I try changing their view but they cant see or seems to listen, makes me feel weak at times ,makes me think of suicidal route sometimes and think that is a better option to prevent two dying than one me.

But then , I become selfish and see life as a journey and this is mine and that I have a lot to experience ,maybe not those things they dream for me but that I will create things around me and I know because ever since childhood I have been alone the most and I know to take care of me and be fully responsible for me,if a guy is not wishing to marry me is the reason my Parents choose to destroy their health,well ,I have given up now, so when the discussion between me and my uncle became fierce and I felt sad that this girl is still carrying her parents with her made me feel so deeply sad and I know whatever I do ,one day this will happen to my parents too,not sure I be strong enough for that day ,but I wish there was a picture of society not so stringent not so rigid, where has the open mindedness gone.

I dont know how to end this article, but I wish I could change things for better because I never thought that a girl child who was given education at first place to become independent when become of age and if could not find a husband becomes a reason of depression for three life,why is she not empowered to live and the societal outlook even after being educated is still so backward.

 

RAW

Born and I breathe, I am raw and I am the most pure in every form imaginable.I am not tarnished by being bias,prejudice or result of circumstances that will make me perceived as Bad,Good or Coward.

I am in Harmony with the nature.

Then comes the time when starting at the home I start asking for the most basic thing with the most basic power I own my voice, I cry for it.

Days go by I start to learn about the world around me, its rule , things been differentiated as good or bad and lots and lots of things brought to this world by the whole human species together.

I decide what of them will make me interested,what will be my phobia what will be the taste of food I will hate and what will be the taste of the food I will love.

My life will be the sum total of all the things that I will choose consciously or sub consciously to happen to me.

I will reason ,regret and be satisfied with I will do.

This is when I will no more be that raw anymore I will be the person painted with so many things of the world and I will have a reason to compete , to fight , to kill and to make new discoveries and to rape.

This is me Human who will not stop till the world is all tattered on its knees and I will not stop there I will invade other Planets and will work every bit so that I SURVIVE and want some more.

And if that desire of “WANTING” is not enough I will try looking for peace become the traveler and will start looking for meaning and will start the relationship of Harmony with Nature again and will start to make this world a better place by trying to undo the wronging of my species.

I will thus become peaceful inside and out one way and will win over the universe other way and when I open those eyes for the first time in my very raw form its hard to predict what will I be.

 

Day 1

It is hard today to write  a post but they say ” Beginning is always the hardest part”.

Well my younger brother disagrees ,he says ” Beginning and ending are easy, maintaining that consistency in between is the hardest part”.

I really don`t know but what I know for me every part of those starting on a new path has been the hardest.

Having a thought of doing something is very easy but actually doing is a whole different story.

Last night around 1:30 am when the anxiety tipped off the patience level , I started thinking what can I do to not make the bad choice and what are my options and the option that came out to be the best was to listen to ted talk and because Will Smith says “Whatever we are suffering today there have been people in the past with the same level of difficulty and had found their peace” We may think what we are going through is so much catastrophic and so much deep that we cant think of any life without it or maybe we are just tied up so much in this situation now that we are so comfortable not looking beyond it.

So when I decided two weeks ago will be the Day 1 of the new journey letting now think past be just a history and let live in present and work on making a better tomorrow all I was doing was just thinking and the temptation of remaining miserable was so infectious that I let my past haunt me a bit more.Let the ghost of the past talk to me and make me smile like those moments are true.

Truth is what is in the past is already a ghost and what I was doing was everything I could to let it become the present but we cant live in the past to make a present.That equation just doesn`t work .

and what is lost in the process is time and time when lost when that white hair begin to appear on the forehead and that fear creeps in and the thought will I be able to pull off this present where I am nowhere ,what will I do.Seems like the best days have gone will it be any easier or the easiest thing will be giving up on everything and hold on that past again one more day,one more day living with the ghost thinking nope the situation is better.

So that happened for two weeks and I realise the past will never make my present Happy.

Happy – something I have begin to almost hate now because I would have liked a good proportion of everything in the life .And now all I have today for more than a year is a good proportion of sadness.

It is high time that I start to do something about it ,maybe thats what I was thinking last night at around 1:30 am and thats why instead of holding back to past I was finally thinking of other option to deal with the situation.

And guess what I found two so much inspiring and resonating talk to my present situation that I was filled with moments where I paced backed and forth in the balcony thinking that its all possible,that till I am breathing I have a life and a life that I wanted to always live was – ” Lily of a day is far better than growing like an old oak tree”.

My past year experience have made me feel like an old oak tree by taking its toll on my health by destroying my free thinking my energy and exhausting me so much that I just thought there is nothing left now.

And then I see that talks like today it is possible to have a “CHANGE OF ATTITUDE” that its ok and not feel guilty about anything as long as you still want a change.

And a very slow step is ok too and guess what these minute steps may contribute to one step but they will. I am sure I have not lost my root completely .

I am sure watching that night sky as I was pacing up in the balcony and looking at the light of the star , I can remember that – “Light cannot be hidden” .

So today let it be the first slow day but I am sure a consistent positive choice to live in the present and to strive for it will actually make me live in the present and that a day will come where I would not be taking a minute step but a whole single step a day.

That day I will breathe out the air of peace in the night while looking up the star and will be happy to live in that moment.

Until that hard or not I know I have to be patient with myself and not let things overwhelm me but yep not get caught up in the theory again that its ok to take whole time in the world because we don`t have whole time in the world so the DAY 1 has to finally began today.

DAY 1 where I will promise my inner self that I am going to change things about me. I am going to take control in the NOW and that I will LIVE IN PRESENT.

 

The ROOM

Watching “Room” made me think a lot about my life lately.We live in the confine room of the world.80% of the population is working giving up on things they would otherwise do just to earn a daily living and the 20% are reaping the hardwork of those hard working people.In a way we all break at the end of the day in many ways,we are scared of things going in different direction ,trying to seize moment thinking their will never be enough of those,the scarcity of being able to find happiness ,scarcity of time and not living a particular way today to have a tomorrow.

Its been two year and I dont even remember the last time I sat and talked to a friend,Truth is ,I never did, I was so soaked in the dogma of life that I never got enough time to breathe.I was scared,impatient only to learn Patience is the biggest factor in anything we pursue.To only learn I wasnt really living and that their was never a scarcity but their was a big waste of time.

What is this world we live in,most of us start with the question who we are, and others are driven by some motives and know exactly what they want but they are living  momentary success and happiness .Is that all the life has to offer today , the uncertainity of dying in a road accident,calling us becoming social by living on social network, doing god knows what and we than feel a feeling of greatness by rectifying our mistakes and thus become THE GREAT.

Rule of society were laid down to provide the guidelines to avoid a chaotic living situation of the unknown and it seems to be failing big time recently.It does has many loopholes and there are many suicide in the recent days by the people failing to live and think of life beyond that society ,beyond the mocking up.

Maybe our minds have become confined too, thats why we need to travel to see that their is a life beyond the obvious and that things are possible beyond the obvious.