Indian Parents

Parents can be tricky when it comes to India.My parents are not the typical controlling parents on the surface,they are kind and deeply care about me like any other parents do.

The thing is they just think they know what is best for their kids and if ,for example, I choose a different route, they become very much concerned.

They will agree to some extent but they will never let go or let me forget of what they think is the best for me at a certain stage and thus our conflict starts.

Conflict of ideology which has been changing with time for me but theirs is not much changing.

Sometimes I wonder why the current generation became so fearless when we discovered perhaps social media ,more experience and started to think freely of our cultural roots but the same cannot be said changed for our parents.

People say to me all the time when you will prove yourself to them that you were right to chose your path as you wish for ,they will be better and will be happy for you and till that time they will keep on worrying.I do not completely agree with the idea of the pressure of proving and let them suffer,worry or worst let all these impact their health.

I hope there was a better way and perhaps this Indian Society and parents opinion which is so much driven by the dogma “WHAT WILL RELATIVES AND SOCIETY THINK” , I just wish could change .No doubt, there are good and bad things that have seeped into the current generation but giving them freedom to be able to make their own decision and take their life journey to not the well woven path but to the unknown and be it leading to rugged path or a shiny one let them experience is all I can ask for.Because they have to know its not just them who deeply care about their children but we care about them as well and we sometimes end up making decision which we are not in for just for their happiness sake and we end up suffering and I don’t see a point how can they be happy about it in the end and perhaps they need to really ponder on their happiness criteria for their children.

To the Hearts that are still Hurting

So will you give up on your body and let it suffer because you are too depressed to take care of it?Will you stop changing clothes because it feels so good to do nothing or everything seems too much of a work?

I ask her and she says, “I can feel the pain in my heart and has no will to do anything”.She feels good just sleeping in and when she try to go outside and party she feels disconnected.

She reminds me of myself three years ago and I sigh.How can I help my friend going through this depression phase.I can only be an ear or encourage her or give inspiring example or be one such example myself for her by telling how I coped up with it.But in the end if her heart still wants to long for something that will never be her’s and she wants to touch the memory of good times and then feel hurt in the present,how can I help her.

Sometimes I feel she just need to breathe and if she wants to feel sad she should and feel every emotion and eventually let them go.

But I know when that phase start to end and when you have played enough with your health and you are not able to recognize yourself in the mirror , it becomes difficult sometimes to picture that the “Best Days are Still Ahead of Us”.

I can only advise her to not feel guilty and to try immerse herself in her hobbies and remember who she was all along; what used to bring sparkle in her eyes as a kid ,what will make her laugh and smile and wanna make her work unconditionally.

She feel drained of energy and I know its not going to be easy but we have to value today and every single day as we do not want to tag this one more day to the ‘Months I was depressed’ but to the  ‘Months I started to get back on my feet’ and appreciate the ‘NOW’ again and not let actions of anyone else let my Journey be any less amazing than I had dream off.

I hope we all can choose or dream a new dream over feeling too comfortable and deserving of this pain.

I feel grateful that I was able to find something that I loved – ‘Writing’ and help myself , I hope my friend and others can find a will too to find their way out.And trust me “Best Days Start when we Believe in and Create them and it can be now or a month from now or a year from now – its in our hand” .

 

 

Symphony of Life

Life, I am amazed how you inspire me without producing any new example of courage to learn from but you let me start believing in me and through my conversation with other people taught my subconscious mind that it is possible.

When I will fly high I will remember the ground and my roots.I will be a true learner and will not take a single day for granted.I will live 200% of it and will be open to new ideas and surprises.I will be living in the moment and will be figuring out how can I articulate every experience I am bestowed upon to take me towards converting my goals to reality.

Life I want to live a day giving it my full commitment to make this journey worth.

I want to smell the fresh air of the morning and see the sun shine across the horizon, listen to bird chirp in the morning, prepare for the day calmly and own my day always leaving scope for learning and improvement.

Life as I am growing up I am learning the importance of symphony of the every moment and how I can hit a high note or a low and make it sound beautiful , it all depends on my action which I want to be amazing and beautifully carried out.

I am grateful to be able to write again today and be at peace and happy.

 

 

Finding Yourself Back – Day 25

Its 4:10 am in the morning, I am leaning at the balcony of my 9th floor, watching sky ,getting glimpses of night life ,watching plane passing by and thinking is it going to be ok?
As cold breeze of early morning touch my face I dream of already living a beautiful life full of warmth,happiness and peace.
I feel content in those moments and when I step back into my real world it inspires me to breathe and keep on working.
I am learning the importance of remainig resilient with every event happening in my life.I am learning to value more the  beautiful and happy moments in my life and cherish them more.
Learning to learn and grow and focus on positive.The ship sailing through the ocean of surprises I hope will lead to the treasure of life that will make sun glow more brighter on the soft skin of my face.
I am grateful for there was an angel to guide me today ,to teach me to be more wise.
I am grateful as life is amazing and I am doing things I really want to do.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 25

Finding Yourself Back – Day 24

I had to stop myself  a lot today ,say “hey mind its fine! there are few more obstacles on the way but why give up or faint!! why be such a weak heart!! haven’t you learned anything in the process?”

I told my heart ” stop comparing yourself with a past version which existed in a different situation all together and just accept the reality”.

And ” hey you know reality, we cannot go back , that option do not exist and it will be a self invited torture for self “.

I said “hey face” instead of giving me an expression of self doubt and worry ,give me a smile and smile for you should be grateful like you were when you were in the bus today while commuting to office.You were thinking God gave you a chance to celebrate 28 years of existence while many have lost it – some lost willingly while for  some ,well they were not given an option and even if it was not their wish, life was brutally taken away from them.

So hey instead of having ten thousand reasons to doubt and worry ,just smile to be able to feel this wind on your face.

Some people says 80% winning is psychological so you are already there, just work 20% harder. Don’t give up to the illusion of the situation and feel blessed and  get up again ,wear that armor and sword and fight your battle till your last breathe until you win.

Grateful for I was able to focus on my goals today.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 24

Finding Yourself Back – Day 23

There is quivering and fainting of heart in moments of disbelief

There is a sweat of satisfaction when hard work meets it target for the day

There are noises all around good or bad ones which sometimes effect me

There are days when I eat the most delicious handcook food

And days when I eat most unhealthy food just to save time

In pursuit of my goals I go through the phase of endless emotions

In pursuit of my goals I am also the captain of my ship

I see night sky and sigh at the moon, at the stars and feel warm

I sometimes take a walk in the night to observe people when I feel suffocated

When I feel too much and forget to be grateful

I find people on the streets ,some trying to make living

Some trying to just do everything to get through the day

I feel grateful again for hey how can I not be

Some days I lose and think of running to non existential past

Some days I decide to progress and learn from every mistake I made

 

I learn and grow everyday in the process

I learn and grow everyday in my journey on this earth

Feel grateful for my ship of life is making steady progress into the future.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 23

 

 

 

Finding Yourself Back – Day 22

 

When you start in your first class probably when you are 4 or 5 you come to know about being graded and being tagged in this competitive world relatively, you progress every year ,you conquer you take a deep dive in the world of imagination with every book you read, books, that carries an incredible essence when you sniff through its pages at the very first moment when you buy them.You make sure you cover your notebooks and books with those brown cover and put the most colorful sticker carrying your name and sometimes at the end of yearly session you keep your favorite book safe with you.

You come out of school and go to college and meet new culture, new people.Some principles shaped you throughout your school life , you carry them with you and get amazed how different and varied version of you become after college.You enter the professional life with certain dreams and that overwhelming passion and smile on your faces but then you get consumed in the daily challenges or sometimes monotonous phase of life,sometimes start to feel bored, you try challenging yourself, try discovering yourself once again , take those trips which you remember till the end of your life as they leave everlasting mark on your life, you start to doubt again ,you start to feel suffocated sometimes too and sometimes certain things you imagined ,life reality breaks that mirror world of yours , you wake up thinking how do I still hold it in my hand, you at times evaluate and take a deep breathe and say “Hey life! , let me be the driver now!” ,lets ME NOW DECIDE not my circumstances and then you slowly and slowly consistently become the best version of you.

Feel grateful for I decided to become driver of my life.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 22.

Finding Yourself Back – Day 21

I learnt once that we as a human have a tendency to tilt towards a negative feeling more than the positive.We are smart enough to make a room for doubt when there is absolutely no need at all.We invite what if’s and then make everyday effort to deal with those what if’s to justify what we we are doing is right or we just block the what if’s all together as we know they never make it to arena.Sometimes feeling blessed and grateful is a choice ,in the times when nothing seems to be working in your favor and still be grateful and be kind,I think it has ripple effect and and we all know god gives us more chances , more moments to feel grateful.

Sometimes I start my day with a bundle of tangled nerves with varied thoughts wanting to unravel in all direction.Its a everyday process where I have to work on moving my inner compass to positivity and more so have to grow my resilience muscle stronger.As I progress now with my eyes open ,my mind awake and present in the moment, many times there will be moment where my mind will be having conflicting thoughts where examples I will witness will make my inner compass go vulnerable.Sometimes my wisdom over the years will help and sometimes I will just act in the moment even though I will regret it later.

I think I cannot predict anything but can feel grateful for things,people and everything present in my life, and progress everyday. Some days I will be amazed by the beauty of life and some days I will be shocked.I feel grateful for today ,that started with so many conflicting and sometimes negative thoughts,I was able to find peace.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 21

Finding Yourself Back – Day 20

My first experience of snow happened when I turned 25.I went to a hill station in the north . Apparently it was also my first solo outing.I still remember how scared I was when I did that but cannot forget the confidence that floated over my face afterwards.I booked a hotel where people were very kind from driver to everyone I met.The valley I visited was no doubt a heaven.And the second day of my trip when I woke up , the view from my window was of the mountains covered in snow.It snowed in the night I came to know later.It was pleasing to eyes and so much refreshing.Thinking about it always bring smile on my face.

I went to one of the spot where via trolley we reached the peak of the mountains within a minute or two and as I reached there it started snowing again.

And that was my first time I experienced snow falling over me.It was cold to the level that as soon as it started to snow people were rushing back to the mountain base.I remember my hands freezing but me in no rush but just wanted to be in that moment.

If that girl in that moment who was happy beyond words had known that in coming years she will go through dramatic life changing phases ,she wouldn’t have believed.

Now as I look back I feel grateful for I was able to experience so much beauty that exists on this earth.I have a responsibility now to live this life again like the daredevil I was before.

THANKFUL FOR DAY 20

Finding Yourself Back – Day 19

Its almost the next day now,today I woke up with a mild headache in the morning,and my eyes were hurting from not sleeping much last night.As the morning grew on me so did my sickness because of a lot of things.

I did not feel good for the longest time ,I wanted to do the pity party again,wanted to take a U turn but when enough is enough then there is no turning point.Today was the test of true patience and persistence for me.In those moment ,feeling sick in my stomach, I already wanted to exaggerate my situation rather than finding a solution.Perhaps then it clicked me that I need is  to find solution to my problems not exaggerate them.

Perhaps then I talked to myself about it and said- “Hey , what can be the solution in this scenario, what can I do to not feel same or feel better”.

I told myself again and again – “This is the process and I cannot give up now”.I told myself lets be patient and utilize time wisely in the best possible way.I started again and rather than focusing on the negative ,I started slowly and slowly focusing on the positive.

I thought I would not be able to accomplish anything today,but sometimes going slow does not means you are not moving, sometimes turtle also wins the race and this was no race but it was just a slow move into the future and I am grateful I made it happen today and did accomplish few tasks.

Grateful for many situations turned out positive today and helped me to move in the right direction.Reminds me of the quote

“God help those who help themselves”

THANKFUL FOR DAY 19